Final Four no more
The 2009 March Madness Final Four Tournament, arguably the most anticipated sporting event in college, has been canceled.
Plebian
Wanted: Landshark
Bryan Gundersand’s, Grosse Pointe senior, hard work ethic and natural talent have given him many looks by professional baseball scouts as a possible entry in the 2010 MLB draft.
Cricket team pessimistic on season
With the men’s cricket team season just around the corner and fresh off of a spring break trip, the Brits don’t have much hope for a winning season. According to rookie coach Rob Handler, hard work in practice and a competitive drive would help, but a general apathy dominates the team’s spirit.
Angels in the outfield
After receiving backlash from the Catholic community for scheduling Opening Day on Good Friday, the Detroit Tigers have invited Pope Benedict XXX to throw out the ceremonial first pitch for the season home opener.
Lions for sale
Beginning next fall, Albion will be home to a group of lions. That is, the Detroit Lions.
So long, smart city?
The sign standing on all major roadways into Albion declaring “A Smart Community” will soon be removed due to the community’s failure to meet the requirements of holding the title.
Psych!
Students are not the only ones clamoring to see Madame Suzanna, the fortune teller that union board has booked for next Friday, April 10.
The few. The proud. The Britons.
Despite reports, Albion’s smaller class size next year is not a result of budget cuts, poor PR or moldy residence hall buildings. The small class size is actually a result of a new recruiting campaign inspired by the United States Army old slogan: An Army of One.
Corners cut
Earlier in the month, chaos reigned next to the Kellogg Center as flames shot into the air. The cause: the sudden ignition of an electrical fire that spread quickly throughout the Gerstacker International House.
Albion’s bailout plan
In a statement released by the DDR last Tuesday, the presidential administration announced a $5,000,000.00 bailout plan for Albion College to cover the costs of needed expenses, including the implementation of flat screen TVs in Old Keller, art sculptures in the science complex and bicycles for the bike library.
It may or may not be booze
Bottoms up! Alcohol may be a growing problem on Albion’s campus.
It is rumored that a number of sorority women, who may or may not actually go to Albion, may have consumed alcohol in disproportionate amounts at their formal, and an unconfirmed number of Wesley RAs may or may not have been forced to resign due to alcohol violations.