At the start of my third year of college, I’ve found myself in a position I dreaded being in two years ago: alone.
Coming in as a first-year, I was so worried that I wouldn’t have any friends. I knew I tended to keep my head down and do my own thing, and I feared this would lead to me becoming a depressed, friendless recluse.
I’d always heard that college was the time to branch out and make friends, to find your people. So I did, quickly and desperately. I didn’t want to be alone. And for a long time, I wasn’t. I had people to eat dinner with, people to study with and people to watch movies with. Having friends was all that mattered to me. It was more important than listening to my own needs and figuring things out for myself.
In time, my priorities changed. Near the end of last semester, I parted ways with the friends I’d had for almost two years. It made the last month of my sophomore year pretty rough, but I didn’t have to think about it for very long. I was relieved to be home for the summer and have a break from being on campus and being constantly reminded of everything that changed.
When I was getting ready to come back to Albion for my junior year, I wasn’t excited. I was nervous about returning to a place where I had always had friends before, alone. My separation from my friends meant I would be in a dorm room without a roommate, which I’ve never wanted out of my fear of being lonely.
And I have been by myself, for the most part. In some ways it’s hard, but in other ways, it’s freeing. I’m trying to embrace it as a chance to get to know myself when I’m not influenced by what other people want.
If you’re feeling alone – whether you’re new on campus or you’ve been here a while – I get it. It does get lonely, but I’ve figured out some ways to make it easier.
Staying Sane While Being Alone
For one, it’s harder to feel alone when you’re listening to music. I consider myself a professional playlist creator, and I recently made a playlist of songs that make me feel better when I’m walking through campus by myself. It’s a small thing, but it keeps me out of my head.
I also rely on the support I get from outside of Albion. I call my mom, watch TV shows virtually with my brother and text my boyfriend throughout the day.
Routine is another good tool, especially when I’m in a situation that’s new or uncertain. Every day, I play the daily New York Times games while I eat breakfast. I text my scores to my brother and dad, and they do the same. I start my day off with something that I enjoy, and that’s important to me.
I do have friends, and it’s very nice to hang out with them, but I’m still in a very different situation than I was previously. I spend most – though not all – of my time by myself, including meals, studying and free time. I used to do all of that, every day, with other people.
The Benefits of Being on Your Own
It’s nice doing it by myself though, because it’s entirely up to me how I spend my time. I’m figuring out my routine and the things I like to do uninfluenced by anybody else. Once I’m confident in those things, I’ll be ready to communicate my boundaries and figure out compromises with the people I want to spend time with.
When I came to Albion, I didn’t have those things figured out, and I went along with what my friends were doing. Now, I’m making my own choices, and then making different ones. I can get dinner at 5 p.m. one day and 7:30 p.m. the next. I can study in the library, the KC, Vulgamore or my dorm room.
These might seem like minor decisions, but they’re my decisions.
Hang in There!
I want to tell you that being on your own doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I certainly wish I hadn’t been so scared of it. If I had prioritized myself at the beginning of my college experience, I think I would’ve been more self-confident and comfortable in my own skin.
I’m not saying you should dump all your friends and lock yourself in your dorm room. I know many people who have made wonderful friends at this college, and who gained them by branching out on campus.
But if you’re scared of being alone at Albion, don’t be. Time to yourself is quality time. It’s a very valuable skill to know yourself, what you like to do and how you feel about things. Sometimes the easiest way to learn that is on your own.
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