Plebian: Community Living to Sponsor Reality Competition Show, ‘Laundry Wars,’ Hosted by Former Albion College President

The logo and title screen for newly announced Albion College based reality competition show, “Laundry Wars.” As reflected behind the title screen, the first season will take place in the Whitehouse Hall laundry room (Photo illustration by Bella Bakeman).

(Part of The Plebian: April Fool’s Edition)

On Sunday, the Pleiad received word from Community Living that, starting next semester, they will be accepting applications for a new reality television competition show: “Laundry Wars.”

Future “Laundry Wars” Host and previous President of Albion College Lyndon P. Johnson said he is “excited to talk to stressed out students who just want to get their laundry done.”

Spokesperson for “Laundry Wars” and Head of Community Living Clark Kent said he is really excited about this new endeavor.

“We’ve heard from a lot of students that doing laundry in our buildings is already sort of like a competition show,” Kent said. “I’ve been told it’s a ‘race from start to finish.’”

Smallville senior Lois Lane echoed Kent’s statement, referring to doing laundry in Whitehouse Hall as “a constant adventure.”

“Even when I put a timer on my phone, which I always set at least three minutes before it’s supposed to be done, there’s always a chance someone will take it out before it’s dry,” Lane said. “Even better, nobody ever puts my clothes in my basket, even if I leave it right in front of my dryer!”

Gotham sophomore and Mitchell Towers resident James Gordan shared a similar experience to Lane.

“One time, I came down and my freshly clean – and still wet – clothes were just sitting on the floor!” Gordan said. “Since then, I’ve made it my mission to race down as fast as possible to beat everyone to the dryers.”

Gordan added that the anxiety he has about his laundry being on the floor has added a “level of excitement to doing laundry I never thought possible.”

Kent said that the show was inspired not only by horror stories shared by students, but also by continuous requests for more washers and dryers.

“We currently do not have enough room in the budget to install new washers or dryers,” Kent said, adding that any proceeds garnered from the show will go toward purchasing new ones.

Kent’s collaborator and counterpart, newly hired Community Living Area Coordinator Bruce Wayne, said they are looking for contestants who are “continuously frustrated by doing laundry.”

“We are also looking for contestants who are willing to deal with their clothes being tampered with by the laundry machines as one of the ‘Laundry Wars’ games,” Wayne said, warning that contestant’s clothes might get snagged on the dryers’ “half-melted lint screens.”

A pile of clothes and towels that has been sitting by the Whitehouse dryers for days, representing one of the future laundry games (Photo by Bella Bakeman).

Wayne added that in one of the laundry games, contestants will be asked to reenact their worst laundry experiences. This can range anywhere from smelling mildew-scented clothes that have been left wet on a table for three days to reliving the experience of their favorite hoodie being stolen from the dryer.

For those students who manage to win the games, Kent said the prize is “worth the disproportionate trouble.”

“The winner will have their very own laundry machine and dryer installed in their dorm room, for their individual use,” Kent said. “That is, until we have another winner in the next season – we don’t have it in the budget to keep buying personal machines.”

Interested applicants are encouraged to reach out to laundrywars@albion.edu for more information on how to apply!

About Bella Bakeman 51 Articles
Bella Bakeman is a junior from Berkley, Michigan. She is majoring in English with a Secondary Education Concentration and minoring in Political Science. Bella seeks to bring both joy and justice to her readers. She can be found with a camera around her neck, notebook in hand and pen in her pocket. Contact Bella via email at INB10@albion.edu.

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