(Part of The Plebian: April Fool’s Edition)
Things have been very calm on the yak recently. While it could be because the semester is nearing its end and we are all exhausted, I am more inclined to believe that it is because of the absence of the infamous yak icon, “Yellow Saturn.”
Lately, it seems Albion’s yak is filled with only complaints about laundry, Baldwin’s food and parking spaces. On Monday night, I was casually browsing the yak when I came across a hilarious suggestion.
I was intrigued by the idea – and decided to ask some questions – not really expecting a response.
To my surprise, the yakker responded in minutes! Even more to my surprise, the yakker was none other than the polarizing “Yellow Saturn.” This time, however, rather than arguing about the existence of God, he was raising some good points!
Infinitely curious, I kept asking questions; the conversation continued for a while. Then – the truly unbelievable happened: Saturn revealed himself to me as none other than President Joey Katowsky!
“I was trying to gauge student interest in more parking options,” Katowsky said via direct message. “Without the fraternities, there would be nowhere to gather for parties. It got 38 upvotes, meaning those students think it’s a worthy tradeoff.”
This discovery had me wondering: if the notorious Saturn would reveal their true identity, who else would?
So, I began messaging some of my favorite yakkers, scrolling way back into my past comments to find some of the most hilarious, ridiculous and famous yaks of the year. These are the ones who responded.
The first yakker to respond was none other than the “Blue Salad” who typically leaves their icon showing when they yak. This time, however, they kept their icon identity a secret.
Why, you ask? Because they were embarrassed!
I messaged the last yak that said “what’s at Baldy?” which any seasoned yakker knows is the most annoying yak to see.
“Just look at the Metz website!” said student senate President, Sherry Lambden.
I hesitate to reveal this yakker because it is just so shocking, but I must fulfill my journalistic duty to tell the truth.
The yakker who asked the most mundane question possible is none other than Head Executive Chef of Metz, Zeke Wallrus!
“I was late for work and couldn’t remember, okay!” Wallrus said in his defense via yak direct message.
Apparently, the Metz website is as unreliable for its staff as it is for students.
Only one other yakker responded to my direct message to the following comment.
I scrolled for a while to find this post, dying to know who yakked it. This yakker took the longest to respond. But the results were more than worth it.
I messaged this yakker with a simple, “bro this is so funny.”
After a day or two, the yakker replied with a simple, “thanks bro I really just truly believe it’s a scam!”
I told them I wholeheartedly agreed and started asking some journalistic questions. Why do you think this? Where do you work?
It took some convincing and lots of compliments about their comedic style, but eventually, I got them to reveal their true identity. The “Purple Pepper” icon is none other than Albion College’s very own Accounting Manager, Norbert Isaiah!
That’s right folks. Isaiah – the man you talk to about Brit Books, money issues and more – also believes that Brit Books is a scam!
There you have it, three infamous yak icons have been revealed. Many students say that they don’t know how to go on knowing this information. With so much uncertainty, only one thing is for certain:
It seems that not only students are among the herd.