Plebian: Rock on the Run

Community members and college students are in absolute dismay at the recent missing person’s report concerning Albion’s Rock. Flyers are flooding the streets so they can get some closure (Photo Illustration by Aura Ware).

(Part of The Plebian: April Fool’s Edition)

On Sunday, a local community member reported that Albion’s beloved Rock is missing and on the loose.

“It literally just got up and started running,” said Conner Glomerate “I couldn’t believe my eyes, and I didn’t know who to call.”

The community member emailed the news into the Pleiad, asking us to cover the story as breaking news. 

Several college students are also in outrage. They have Tweeted and retweeted many pictures of the rock, begging for anyone to call Albion College if they see even the slightest glimpse of it. They are using the #rockontherun to bring awareness to this horrible tragedy.

“What else are we going to paint when we have events coming up?” said Rocky Robin, “The rock is so dear to my heart. I wanted to get married in front of it, and now I may never get that chance.”

College students and community members are heartbroken. No one ever thought the day would come that Albion’s rock would disappear after so many years of standing for Albion’s culture. 

“I think the rock ran away because it was tired of standing for the culture, and no one standing for it!” said Sandy Stone, “We don’t pay homage to all the memories it has set in stone!”

There are many theories going around the community about why the rock has rolled out, but the truth won’t be known until the rock has been found. If anyone has any information, please contact 1-800-555-ROCK.

About Aura Ware 49 Articles
Aura is a senior from Memphis, Tenn. She is a double major in Psychology and English. She is a passionate Features Editor, who isn't afraid to take on uncomfortable topics if it means cultivating meaningful conversation.

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