(Part of the Plebian — April Fools’ edition)
Writing Incompetency Exam
Albion College believes that writing proficiency is an important part of a liberal arts education, but they also want to make graduation requirements nearly impossible. If you’re a math major or just don’t like to write, go ahead and take the writing incompetency exam. After taking the exam, the college will determine if they’re able to work with you or if there’s just no hope for your writing skills. Students who do not pass the writing incompetency exam will automatically be placed in a 300-level English course, and if students are overly competent in their writing skills, they will be forced to add a minor of English to their existing majors and minors.
Posted by: Meve Starkowski
Spring Symphonic Wind Ensemble Recital, Featuring Albion’s Frat DJs
Join the Albion College Symphonic Wind Ensemble and Fraternity Row’s finest DJs for a magical event of classical, crunk and kinky music. Listen as the band performs hits like “Cyclone” by Baby Bash followed by five or six undanceable EDM songs while the DJs jump up and down in the back and point like the crowd’s actually watching them. Conducting is Dr. Yakko Warner, who will try to get the DJs to play decent music, like “Love Shack” by the B-52s or “Mambo No. 5” by Lou Bega but to no avail.
Doors open on Thursday, April 5 at 10 p.m. Keystone Light will be provided, but only if you pour it in a cup. Please bring valid Albion Student ID.
Posted by: Bob Rockett
Email Etiquette 101 Class Offered Fall 2018
Beginning Fall 2018 all incoming students will be required to complete an email etiquette course. Current students, faculty and staff are encouraged to sign up.
Topics will include:
- Proper ways to refer to yourself and others
- The difference between cc and bcc, and how to use both
- How to send emails directly to someone instead of entire groups
- Proofreading, what it is and how to do it
Applications for a qualified instructor are still open.
Posted by: Batie Koni
2018 Sleight Dishonor Dessert
Do you have exceptionally awful members in your organization who deserve special distinction? Would you like to honor certain members of your club that have demonstrated unremarkable and abysmal leadership?
The annual Sleight Leadership Dishonor Award Program offers clubs and organizations an opportunity to recognize their worst members. All student organizations are encouraged to participate. The 2018 Sleight Leadership Dessert is 7:00 pm on April 10 in Upper Baldwin.
Posted by: Andy Witt
Student Grammar Handbook: The Basics
Even after graduating high school, getting excepted into college, and passing english 101, its amazing how many grammatical errors college students continue to make. In order to help you avoid making these same mistakes, here are some of the basics you need too know:
- Even though their, they’re and ther might sound alike, each won has a different meaning. To make this more clear, lets brake it down.
- “Their” can be used interchangeably with “they are.” A example sentence would look something like this: “After stopping by Cascarelli’s for dinner, their going to the Bohm.”
- Although the apostrophe makes “they’re” appear to be a contraction, its actually used to signify a place or position. For instance, during a rare squirrel sighting on Albion’s campus, one friend might excitedly exclaim to another, “look over they’re!”
- Finally, “there” is used to indicate possession by a group of people. Here’s an example: The Eat Shop in the KC is there favorite place to go for a late night snack.
- Students also get tripped up when it comes to differentiating between to, too, and two.
- Believe it or not, many people use “to” as a preposition, but its actually an alternative way to right out the numeral 2!
- “Too” is the real preposition. While we’re on the topic, always remember that subjective pronouns (example: he, she, and who) follow prepositions; never replace them with their objective alternatives (him, her, and whom). Moreover, try to end you’re sentences with prepositions as often as you can.
- Lastly, “two” can be used to mean an excessive amount. For example, you can never have “two much” good grammar.
The list goes on, but here are just a few helpful tips to keep in mind when your writing you’re next paper. If english 101 didn’t help you nail down all of those pesky grammar rules, keeping this list handy sure will.
Posted by: Nadroj Ravenaugh
Steve Marowski Goes Out in Public Without Hat, Fans are Shocked
Students all over Albion College were shocked today when Steve Marowski, a senior from Farmington Hills, Michigan, stepped outside and felt the sun on the top of his head for the first time in several years. When asked where his hat was, the editor of the Pleiad bent over in grief, said his extensive (some would even call it extreme) hat collection has been stolen.
“Steve is really suffering from hat withdrawals. He can be seen reaching up to adjust his hat but then freezes in shock when he remembers that he doesn’t have anything on his head. I’ve had to practically carry him to class because he is unable to leave the dorm by himself,” said Skully Capper, a junior from Hicksville, Ohio, who is friends with Marowski.
Campus Safety has been contacted and a report has been filled out, but at the time of publication, there are no suspects. After further investigation, it’s believed the hats may be hidden around campus. So while walking to class, keep an eye out for some of Marowski’s treasured hats. If you find one, tweet about it with #StevesFittedHats
Posted by: Literally the only person on campus who shares a legal first name with a fruit
Nancy G Held Equestrian Center to Host First Ever Stick Horse Race
The Albion College Equestrian program is always looking for ways to set themselves apart from bigger schools. This year, competitors from all over the state are excited to be coming to Albion College to compete in a stick horse tournament.
“I’m really excited to be bringing my stick horse Randy with me,” said participant Andrew Horseyman. “I could truly see this event becoming an Olympic sport in the future.”
When asked how he became involved with this new sport, Horseyman said, “I couldn’t ride real horses because that takes a surprising amount of skill and strength, but good ol’ Randy hasn’t been a problem to learn on!”
Competitors will compete in several events including jumping and speed racing.
There are all different ages who will be competing.
Posted by: Pear A Norma
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