April Fool’s: Human Remains Found in KC Closet During Campus Tour

Citizen Patriot file photo

The full details on the situation are still developing but Friday, March 31st, human remains were discovered in a KC closet during a campus tour. Campus Safety director Paul Blart is currently leading the investigation with help from the Albion Police Department. Until further notice the fourth floor of the KC will be closed. The rest of the building remaining open.

Initial reports from those present when the remains were discovered are graphic with many reporting an odor that lingered throughout the building. Brady Hoax, ‘19, described the scene in detail: “The smell was there from the time I sat down and initially I thought it was coming from some leftover KC wraps.” But Hoax said things changed quickly after the remains spilled out of the closet landing on the tour guide and the family. “I couldn’t imagine a more memorable tour experience. That’s the Albion advantage.”

At this point, Hoax described a frantic scene unrolling as the smell overcame the room and forced everyone out. “The worst part was having to wait for the elevator to reach the fourth floor. I almost contemplated taking the stairs.”

Stephen Harvey, ‘18, was also was at the scene. “I was waiting for my computer to reconnect to the wi-fi when I noticed everyone running from the closet. When I went up to see what was wrong, I was shocked. I saw my application for a scholarship I applied for years ago along with thousands of others. It looked like no one had touched the closet in ages.”
As more details are released on the situation we will continue to provide updates. If you have any information about the investigation please contact Officer Blart at (888) 890-2040.

(Part of the Plebian — April Fools edition).


About Jamal Yearwood 17 Articles
Jamal is a Senior from Saginaw, Michigan. A Spanish major with a minor Economics, he has his very own Linkedin.  View Jamal Yearwood's profile

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