Advice Column: What to Do When Someone Flirts with Your Significant Other

Dear Kit,

This girl always flirts with my boyfriend in front of me and I hate it…how can I get her to stop?

Okay, so I’m sure what you really want to do is lash out, but put your earrings back on and listen. The best thing you can do in a situation like this is keep your cool.

Before you do anything, ask yourself these questions:

1. Is my boyfriend flirting back? If the answer is yes, then you should seriously reconsider your relationship status.
2. Am I actually threatened by her? If it is a small flirtation and your boyfriend doesn’t reciprocate, you might just want to let it go. 
3. Do I have any insecurities about my relationship? Trust is an essential part of any relationship. If you can’t trust that your boyfriend is faithful regardless of the girls who flirt with him, then you might have a bigger problem on your hands. 

Even if your boyfriend is not flirting back, you don’t feel threatened and you’re secure in your relationship, it’s still annoying to have another girl flirt with your man. I would suggest having a conversation with your boyfriend. Talk to him about how it bothers you when so-and-so openly flirts with him in front of you. This will cause him to be aware of the fact that this is happening (yes it’s possible he may not even notice) and more importantly that you’re bothered by it. If it gets out of hand, let him be the one to confront the girl who is overstepping her bounds. He should take the responsibility of letting other girls know what kind of behavior is okay around him. People reflect what they project, and if he projects the fact that he is taken, the girl will eventually get the picture. It’s not your job to police her.

These are some red flags to watch out for:

1. Your boyfriend goes on the defensive (i.e. “You’re acting crazy, it’s not even a big deal.”)
2. He comforts you and says he’ll do something about it, but he still continues to talk to the girl behind your back. 
3. He gives the girl reason to believe that he’s interested.

Remember, it’s okay to feel jealous when other people pay special attention to your significant other. A little jealousy is normal. It can become a problem though if it starts to negatively affect your relationship. You can’t exactly stop other girls from flirting with your boyfriend, but you want to be secure enough in your relationship to not let it affect you. Hopefully having a conversation with him will ease your worries, and hopefully he will be more conscious about the way he acts when he’s around her. Be confident in the fact that he is in a relationship with you and NOT her. At the end of the day, that’s what’s important.

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