Student insurrection to retain Ronna Dandall rages

As Albion College’s 15th president, Ronna Dandall, announced that she would be stepping down as president, students poured into the streets and onto the quad as a desperate protest to retain their beloved leader ensued.

The students organized onto the quad in a mob, as campus safety officers struggled to prevent the purple and gold tide from storming Ferguson Hall. Senneth Knyder, campus safety director, had to visit the scene himself to deal with the paroxysm of rage that poured forth from every dorm and fraternity house on campus.

“This was something Albion College has never experienced before,” Knyder said. “On one hand, my heart is warmed by the outpouring of support for our dear president, but the vitriol with which it is expressed brings a tear to my eye.”

The ringleaders of the protest were the College Democrats and College Conservatives, which joined forces in a bipartisan display of support.

Both parties gave fervent speeches in support of former president Dandall, calling for her re-installation and reminding the student body of the impressive work she did for the college during her six-year presidency.

Cries of “Io Ronna” and “No Ronna, No Peace” echoed throughout campus.

Approximately two hours after the announcement, the student rebellion broke through Campus Safety’s protective cordon and stormed Ferguson Hall.  The mob marched up to Dandall’s office and carried her out onto the quad, defiantly shouting and chanting as they placed her on the rock.

From her perch, she offered her final words as president.

“That you all have come out and showed such support for me  is truly an example of the Albion Advantage,” Dandall said. “I can only hope one day that after I am gone, a sports facility will be named after me.”

With bittersweet pride, the mob erupted in camaraderie and mob violence ruled the rest of the day.

The administration estimates the damages to campus property to be around $10 million, thereby justifying the raise in tuition.

About Spencer White 57 Articles
Spencer White is a senior from Commerce, Michigan. He's dedicated to squeezing every last bit of journalism he can out of Albion College.

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