New health laws force fraternities to clean bathrooms

New health laws on campus demand that all six fraternities must maintain their bathroom’s cleanliness. Safety inspections noted that nearly all restrooms emitted a strong urine odor and situations were unlivable.

“The fact that these men are brushing their teeth in these areas is just disturbing,” said Ben Meover, health inspector.

Sigma Nu began a strike early last week when they created a six-foot barricade of cleaning supplies outside the fraternity house. Sigma Chi has since joined in on the strike as of last Thursday.

“This is bull sh*t,” said an anonymous Jackson junior and fraternity brother. “Why should I have to clean the place I piss in? Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

Girls across campus are raving about the new laws that protect their own safety as well.

“On Saturday, I was, like, hammered and obviously had to break the seal and I actually, like, sat down on a toilet at Delt without getting pee all over my a**,” said Cali Cray, Kalamazoo first-year. “It was totally awesome.”

Most girls are excited about the changes.

“I don’t know why the guys are so p.o.’ed about the new rules,” said Lauren Wood, Bloomfield Hills senior. “Don’t they realize how many more girls are gonna want to come over now?”

Monthly health inspections will now be installed and fraternities will have to abide by new laws. According to campus safety, the houses are also to upkeep their public bathroom on the main floor during registered parties to avoid public urination, as this has become a major problem on fraternity row in recent times.

“We’re just trying to keep this campus a clean and healthy environment for all students,” said President Ronna Dandall. “At Albion College, we’re always dri-thinking.”

About Alexa Hyman 29 Articles
Alexa Hyman is a senior from Chicago, Ill., studying Business and Professional Writing. You're likely to find her in another country, listening to Bob Dylan or sniffing the pages of old books in the campus library.

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