“Game of Thrones” return postpones second coming

Jesus Christ did not, as eagerly anticipated, descend back upon Earth this past Easter Sunday, due to His desire to not miss the season premiere of the HBO series Game of Thrones.

Jesus has become infatuated with the hit show, according to an image of the Virgin Mary found in a grilled cheese at Baldwin.

“Our TiVo works fine and all,” Mary said. “We’re having this big watch party for it, and He just hates having to listen to us talk about episodes He’s missed and give away all the spoilers and stuff.”

Game of Thrones inconveniently premiered its third season on Easter Sunday, and contrary to popular belief, the zealous celebration from the fan base trumps the need for a second coming, according to Divine Law.

“He rewrites that stuff every year,” said Saint Peter. “There have been additions to our official law books every Easter since He got here. You want to say ‘dude, there’s like millions of people waiting for You and You’ve got a commitment and stuff,’ but then He’s all ‘blah, I’m Jesus, and shut up or I’ll call Dad.’”

Saint Peter found time during what became a rather volatile rant about the Only Begotten Son to mention some of His prior excuses.

Jesus has allegedly amended the Divine Laws in past years to include Breaking Bad, The Sopranos, Family Guy and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 as legitimate excuses to postpone the second coming.

The sentient grilled cheese tried to justify and understand her son’s reasoning.

“He’s not lazy or anything,” Mary said. “He’s still just a little steamed over that whole crucifixion thing. God and I have been trying to talk it out with Him, but most family counseling specialists wind up in Hell for some reason.”

Jesus declined our request for an interview, responding via Twitter with: “Leave me alone! I’m gonna do it!”

Photo courtesy of Wikicommons

About Caleb Williams 14 Articles
Caleb Williams is an English major from Denver, Colorado. Authorities are being notified as we speak.

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