The results are in, and apparently one of the major disappointments of this election was the candidates not quite having “it.”
What is “it” exactly? And why is it that many of the students here at the college do not believe that Obama possesses “it”? Obama is very clearly alive, has sufficient means to sustain his livelihood, and has campaigned on a platform that could be understood by even those who are not smarter than your average bear. What, then, for the love of all that is good on this green earth, is the “it” that these students believe Obama lacks? Since Scooby-Doo wasn’t available, this reporter set out to find out.
“I don’t know, it’s just sort of that way he looks to us, the common people”, said Inga Noramus, a sophomore from Slowsville, Ohio. “It’s just like that thing where, I don’t know, he doesn’t seem right by us, you know?”
Noramus was unable to provide any further commentary, as politics “made her head hurt”, but it became clear that “it” has something to do with the general population. More questions still had to be answered, though.
“To me, it’s just that thinking about him in office scares me, you know?” commented Brian M. Deadson, a Hometown junior. “I can’t describe it, he just freaks me out”.
Several students claimed that fear is also a contributing factor to “it”.
“I made $7 last week at my job, dude,” said Joe B. Lesster, senior from Burnout, Texas. “I can’t keep living like that! That’s why I don’t think Obama has ‘it’”.
From what this reporter could deduce from the interviews and the overwhelming explosion of Facebook politics, the “it” which Obama lacks is created by multiplying the $7 that Lesster made last week by the total population of the average person, and dividing that total by the sum of all fears. Since fear is very fluid and indeterminate, it can finally be concluded that “it” is equal to at least 47.
The units ascribed to “it” still cannot be determined, but it is finally clear that Obama, according to the students, lacks at least 47 of “it.” And who knows how much “it” Romney would have trailed in if he had won?
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