Satire Blog – “Sophomore Experience” Becomes Slippery Slope for More “Experiences”

In an interesting turn of events, college staff members have found themselves so pleased with the new “Sophomore Year Experience” that they have seen fit to expand this program into a good deal many more “Experiences.”  These experiences are set to include throughout junior year, senior year, and post-graduate time, leading all the way up to a final “Death Experience.”

Staff members hope these “Experience” programs will solidify every possible experience that students could ever have in their lives, in order to ensure maximum enjoyment out of life.  This expansion has been met with nothing but positive comments and much enthusiasm from the student body.

“I think it’s great that Albion cares so much for its students,” states Marlin B. Rando, a freshman hailing from Honolulu, Hawaii.  “It really makes me feel comfortable to know that no matter where we go or what we do in life, the college is literally always going to be with us.”

When asked about one of the experience programs after graduation, Homey Lessenson, an alumni of the college residing in a cardboard box underneath a Michigan Interstate overpass, said that “The college’s dedication to its ‘Unemployment Experience’ has really aided me in fully understanding and experiencing all aspects of not having a job.  I’m eternally grateful to this institution for sticking by me while constantly challenging me to be my best by letting me know that it is all part of the ‘Experience’ plan.”

Unfortunately, this reporter was unable to set up an interview with anyone regarding the efficiency of the college’s “Death Experience.”  However, from the responses received so far, it’s clear that whether a new student or a vagrant alumni, the college’s experience program is always there to help.

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