Satire Blog — Baldwin to enact its own “Hunger Games”

The staff of Baldwin, the much-cherished dining hall of the college, has decided to shake things up for the regular student patrons by creating its own rendition of the popular novel, and now major motion picture, The Hunger Games.  In doing so, they have not only succeeded in creating an exciting new way for students to enjoy themselves at the dining hall, but also have proven that none of them have in fact read The Hunger Games.  Rather than collecting a group of students to compete in a large fight to the death, the games will include a series of eating competitions with a food fight at the end.

Reactions to the announcement has produced a mixed response from the student body, many of whom, including this reporter, have not even read the books.  They do know that there are at least two ( this reporter lacks any supporting information) discrepancies between Baldwin’s version and the actual The Hunger Games.  One student, a senior from Hell (assuming he meant the city in Michigan) by the name of Damien (he refused to give any last name) was willing to provide his input about the addition of the games.

“I mean, I think it’s pretty cool to have a bunch of eating contests and stuff,” Damien, said. “But if there were actually to be a huge fight to the death like in the actual novels, I guess that’d be kind of cool too.”

Before a chance to talk to Damien further was presented, he promptly vanished in a flash of red. Desperately refusing to think of the implications of this matter in and of itself, this reporter sought the opinions of other students regarding the games.

“I’m really excited to compete in these ‘Hunger Games’ from Baldwin” said Bear Griddles, Hometown junior.  “I always wanted to make eating more of a challenge for myself, and what better way to do that than make it a competition? At least I wouldn’t have to do anything crazy like fight to the death or survive in the wilderness. Bring it on, Baldwin!”

It’s clear that while responses have been slightly mixed, they are on the whole quite positive towards this rendition of The Hunger Games being added to Baldwin. This reporter, while trying as hard as possible to ignore where it was exactly that Damien went, looks forward to observing the upcoming games and how the student participants fare in them.

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