The Albion Advantage — Student admitted to Oaklawn hospital with BAC higher than GPA

An unnamed Albion College student may be facing more than one type of probation in the coming weeks.

According to Campus Safety, a male first-year student was rushed to the emergency room at Oaklawn hospital in Marshall early Saturday morning.

His blood-alcohol level was .36—more than four times the legal limit and twice his cumulative semester GPA.

Campus reaction to the news is overwhelmingly positive.

“That’s how we roll at Albion,” said Molly Faulner, associate dean of students.  “From what I hear, the little guy took it like a champ.”

Peers, who had been drinking with him, contends the student had consumed close to 20 shots of Burnett’s vodka, an inexpensive drinking option for college students.

“Honestly, I stopped counting after ten,” said Katie Belmont, Canton junior.  “My ex kept drunk-texting me, so I was a little preoccupied to say the least.”

According to hospital staff, the young man refused to have his stomach pumped. He was determined to take care of the situation himself and “walk it off.”  Despite toxic levels of alcohol in his bloodstream, the medical responders honored his request.

“I don’t know what you’re up to at Albion, but whatever it is, keep it up,” said Jack Smity, Oaklawn hospital nurse. “I’ve never seen such belligerent determination.”

When reached for comment, the student wished to remain anonymous, but offered the following apology: “Sorry for party rocking.”

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