Booted– Popular suede boots blamed for falls

Sarah Slipped, Jackson junior, used to kick it in her boots with the fur and apple-bottom jeans combo around campus. Not anymore.

Since the spring 2011 semester began, there has been a 300 percent increase in the amount of slips and falls reported on campus. According to campus safety, the majority of fall victims were wearing flip flops, high heels, or popular suede boots at the time of the incidents.

“We anticipated this,” said Glenn Ryder, director of campus safety. “This spring has brought a non-stop assault of wintry mixes—I may not be a meteorologist, but I am conscious of the treacherous danger that popular suede boots without tread bring to the campus body. Plus, they’re fugly.”

The increased rate of falls came despite a memo that the grounds department distributed stating that bags of rock salt would be positioned at entryways to buildings, and urging students to salt icy sidewalks.

“I took initiative,” Slipped said. “I opted to leave inorganic chemistry early for a week straight in order to help out the grounds department. I was like Hansel, leaving a trail of sodium chloride from the sci fi right to annex.”

According to Ryder, sturdy boots with maximum ankle support are the best option for getting to class accident-free. If students don’t have access to hiking boots, ice fishing cleats, or combat boots, Knyder does suggest another alternative.

“Personally, I’ve been ice-skating to work myself,” Knyder said. “My top speed rivals Anton Ohno’s, and I feel it is my own personal initiative that might also help Albion quit failing the annual report card of green schools.”

Slipped, who is a member of the Greek system, does not regret wearing the popular suede boots.

“It was Monday,” Slipped said.

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