Since it’s the last day of my experiment people may be curious about what I’ve learned. Well, not to point out the obvious, but I’ve learned that a lack of caffeine can make me tired. This is a gross over-simplification because tiredness is a natural state of mind like all other sensations. I can be sleepy just as I can be awake or joyful. I’ve realized that these feelings keep me in touch with my body’s demands.
But caffeine seems to dim my ability to perceive those feelings in relation to my body. By making myself artificially wakeful I lose touch with what my body really desires: sleep. This is unnatural, just as alcohol and marijuana can make unnatural highs. And I guess there’s something to be said about keeping things natural (that it’s, you know. Good).
That said, I think I’ll continue to use small amounts of caffeine when necessary. Caffeine may be a drug, but its effects are helpful in small amounts. There are always finals, long essays, and group studies where caffeine comes in handy and I shouldn’t neglect this fact for complete abstinence. I mean, I’m not going to wake up and immediately go for a cup of coffee tomorrow, but I refuse to beat myself up over some pop at lunch or a pill when it’s needed.
Still, I’m relieved it’s all over. Going cold turkey is always the hardest route for any type of habitual user, whether it be abstaining from meth or caffeine. When I didn’t have caffeine in my system tiredness, grogginess and focusing issues set in suddenly and powerfully. But I overcame those and managed to pull through.
This entire week may have been hell, but at least I learned a thing or two about my ability to persevere.