Cheers — Dandall appeases students with new alcohol policy

In response to student backlash to the decision by the BOT to cut 15 FTE faculty members, Ronna Dandall and the administration announced that, while they are still moving forward with the Board’s mandate, kegs and hard liquor will be allowed on campus, effective immediately.

“We understand the toll that these cuts are taking on the students,” Dandall said.  “The Board and I feel that this form of compensation is the most appropriate.”

Students have been positive in their reaction to Dandall’s announcement.

“At first, I was really pissed that the school might be getting rid of my favorite professors, but this is totally worth it” shouted Buzz McFratboy, TALONS co-founder and New Orleans, Louisiana senior, as he was lifted by his peers into a keg-stand on the quad.

“I mean, who majors in the majors that are going to get cut, anyways?” slurred Ashli Lightweight, Hicksville first-year, cradling a half-gallon of 5 O’clock.

“They can get rid of 30 professors if they’ll let us live off-campus too,” said Chris P. Bacon, Hoboken, New Jersey, sophomore, in between fist-pumping and touching his hair.

Dandall also announced in a follow-up statement that since the new policy appeased the students so completely, that following the announcements to faculty regarding department, a kegger will be held in Bobbitt  for any who had been affected.

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