Senior Class Gift — Pimp cup to accompany mace

Following months of deliberation, suggestions and fundraising, the senior class can toast to the last change in senior gift.

The senior gift committee has debated everything from a scholarship to a robot professor who doesn’t require salary, but on April 1, committee members voted unanimously in support of a chalice to accompany the originally proposed presidential mace.

“We feel a pimp cup and cane duo will be a lasting legacy that truly resonates and embodies the class of 2010,” said Anita Didi, Albion senior and member of the senior gift committee. “Fasheezie.”

According to Trojan Tubiel, assistant director of alumni giving and project manager of the senior gift committee, the estimated cost of the gift cannot be determined until seniors decide what slogan will be engraved in the gold plated cup.

“I mean, a phrase like ‘Thug 4 Life’ would be much more affordable than a lengthier sentiment, which could get up there in the chamillions,” Tubiel said. “Luckily, there is flexibility within the Endowment to help fund promising investments such as this in Albion’s future.”

President Ronna Dandall supports the senior decision.

“The senior committee has been so accommodating in their efforts to represent the entirety of the class of 2010,” Dandall said. “Considering the current timing, I wasn’t convinced that wielding a presidential mace would be the best interest of the institution. However, with cup-in-hand, our college can strut towards a promising future.”

Rockafella Records, which has regional headquarters in Detroit, sent a letter of endorsement following the announcement, and corporate representatives are currently in negotiations with the college to feature rap artist Lil’ Wayne as the commencement speaker.

When asked for comment, all Lil’ Wayne had to say was, “Ye-ah!”

According to Jonathan Jester, Novi junior and president of the Albion College Medieval Club, the club is also in favor of the pimp cup, or as they like to think of it, the chalice.

“President Dandall is cordially invited to our Monday meetings,” Jester said. “She’s welcome to bring her mace and duel, or sip mock mead from the pimp cup and socialize with the squires.”

Thomas Wilde, professor of geology, disagrees with Dandall’s statement.

“My bet is that with a cup half full, administration will get the confidence they need to bludgeon any departments and tenured faculty members that get in their way with the mace,” Wilde said, after attending a medieval club meeting in which Dandall was in attendance. “Perhaps the senior class should have considered investing in armor.”

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