When Jerome Ithinkimhood, West Bloomfield Hills senior, traveled to Detroit to see a live rap battle, the last person he expected to appear on stage was his VP Finance. But when Mark Fandsen, or as he was introduced, M. Freezee aka Money Punisher, stepped on stage sporting iced chains and a white ribbed tank top, all Ithinkimhood could do was stare.
“I can tell you what, he got game. That much is fo’sho,” Ithinkimhood said. “His rhymes were dope, and you should’ve heard the disses he was laying down.”
While M. Freezee declined comment, according to Young Knucks, one of Freezee’s battlers, “He was talking about going bigger and hitting up someplace called Java ‘n’ Jazz next week.”
Freezee’s recent performances included titles such as “99 Problems (But Tenure Ain’t One)”, “Less Money, Mo’ Problems,” and “Gettin’ Stingy With It.”
Since his Detroit debut, word has gotten out around campus that there might be more on Freezee’s mind than cold, hard cash.
“Once, when I was in an advising appointment with him (Fandsen), I dropped the F-bomb in his office and was so scared that I had to change advisors the next semester,” said Joe Schmoe, Dearborn junior. “But now that I know about his double life? Shit. I’m changing it back. That guy is dope!”
Rumors have also begun circulating that Freezee is only one of the rapping faculty members on campus. Union Board announced today that, to complement Sugarcult, the Big Show’s opening act will be Run BS&BC.
Following Ithinkimhood’s disclosure of Fandsen’s identity as an iced out performer, auditors were tipped off to red flags in the college’s budget.
Auditors declined comment due to the ongoing investigation.
“But there’s no way those were cubic zirconium,” said one auditor, “And when he smiled his grill was 24 karot.”