BOT Takes the Cake — Confectionary dep-tart-ment gets squashed

On April 1, the Board of Trustees released a statement declaring the elimination of the confectionery department, including its three faculty members – two tenured and one adjunct professor – effective at the start of the 2010-2011 school year.

“This cut was a difficult decision, but with the student enrollment rates and the cost of sustaining the department, we had no choice,” said a statement released by the Board of Trustees.

The confectionery department currently has two student majors and two minors. Both tenured faculty members earn $95,000 per year, and costs of sustaining the department – flour, eggs, sugar, easy-bake ovens and home appliances – require $200,000 annually, according to the only part of the budget M. Freezee aka Money Punisher, VP Finance, allowed to be released.

“I am very disappointed with this decision,” said Fluffy Batter, chair of the doomed department. “How is a student expected to experience the full liberal arts experience without making sweets at least once? These skills have always been an integral part of the well-rounded – the Albion – individual, and this cut is obviously just another step towards Albion becoming a pre-professional school.”

Students are also upset about this decision.

“How will I get hired by Ace of Cakes when they find out my major doesn’t exist anymore? My credentials will be completely diminished by this decision,” said Sugar Yumsalot, Candyland junior and confectionery major. “I came to Albion specifically for this major, and now they’re cutting it? This is not sweet at all.”

Non-major students are also concerned about filling graduation requirements such as modes and categories that used to be offered through the confectionery department, such as Cooking with Organic Compounds (Environmental), Ethnic Sweets (Ethnic), and Men in the Kitchen (Gender).

“Now I’m never going to get my requirements, especially not with classes that so closely complemented my major and interests,” lamented Bob Boringston, Seattle, WA sophomore and biology major.  “This decision has done a lot to damage crust on campus.”

Not all, however, find this cut to be a problem.

“Now, like, maybe our campus won’t be so, you know, fat,” said Regina Gorge, Los Angeles, CA senior. “I mean, I don’t even like cake.”

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