By Chris Mantay
Who is Timeflies? What is Timeflies? Is Timeflies a person, a group of people, a recently discovered species of insect? This reporter has absolutely no idea, and, after a thorough investigation, it has become clear that a majority of the student body does not know either. Timeflies is currently booked as the Big Show put on by the college’s Union Board, but due to a general lack of knowledge regarding this entity, no one knows exactly what the show is going to entail. Personal references have yielded nothing and internet searches have only turned up irrelevant and horrifically disturbing results. Students all gave differing opinions when asked what they believed to be expected of the coming Big Show.
“I for one am extremely confused,” said Nathaniel Glove, Novi senior. “I thought that a Timeflies was a condiment, kind of like mustard. How is anyone supposed to organize a Big Show around mustard? Would they just spray it everywhere?”
Glove was unavailable for further comments, as thinking of this situation brought on a panic attack.
“With as epic of a name as ‘Timeflies,’ you’d figure the show would have to be something incredible,” said Way Jinkler, Hog Creek senior. “With that name, it has to be something like time travel. That show would be sweet! No way the name ‘Timeflies’ could be used to describe something like a music group. That’d just be silly.”
With so many differing opinions regarding the Timeflies performance at the coming Big Show, it is clear that no one (this reporter included) can know exactly what the performance will be or what Timeflies really is. The only way to solve this mystery is to attend the Big Show and discover the truth firsthand. It must be stated, however, that this reporter most definitely hopes Timeflies involves time travel.